Rudi was away, and Terza was on her way out to spend the evening with Clara when the telephone rang. It was Kirsty, she was ringing to see if Terza had received the invitation, and to have a general chat. Terza was really glad to hear from her, particularly the news that her father had been promoted, and also that further results had been received from the hospital. Their worst fears had been put at rest and Kirsty was so excited about the prospect that she almost forgot about their current plans for the wedding. Kirsty laughed and accused Terza for wanting to talk about her father too much, which of course was true. Returning to the invitation, Kirsty asked if Franti and Milo would be able to come, which Terza confirmed.

"That's great," said Kirsty, "So, you have finally met the two of them?"

"Yes, last night, Milo is so sweet," said Terza. Of course, Kirsty would not let Terza go without her first recounting their entire evening together, so Terza ended up going into detail about what Milo was like, what Franti said, and what they talked about. Terza's voice became a little croaky, "Plus I've got a cold, that was slipping up on the ice, no doubt."

"I expect so, you just can't take it any more," Kirsty teased.

"You can talk!" said Terza, as she made reference to a forthcoming birthday.

"That's unfair!" said Kirsty giggling. Terza told Kirsty about her old school friend.

"Gosh," said Kirsty, unable to believe what Terza was saying.

"I can't stop thinking about it, that's the only thing," said Terza sorrowfully, "life seems so unfair," continued Terza as she told Kirsty about the choice Gabriela had to make, "there is always a tendency to regard life as so cheap."

"So you have been thinking...." said Kirsty, commenting on her reflections.

"But doesn't it make you think?" said Terza, seeking Kirsty's opinion.

"I've never thought of life as so cheap," said Kirsty, "but I see what you mean, can you live with that?"

"I need to think more," said Terza reflectively, "I need to sort out my own life before I go delving into others' I think."
"What have you to sort out?" intruded Kirsty, "You should not think about these things too much...."

Terza laughed, "You can't help it though, can you?" she said, allowing herself to see things in more perspective.

"Well, I suppose it makes you think," said Kirsty.

"What will you be doing this week-end?" said Terza.

"Well, your father and Franz will be finishing the boat, and then we'll finalize the details for the wedding, all the invitations have gone out now." At this juncture Kirsty went through the list of those invited, though Terza only recognized half the names of the thirty or so people, some she had only heard Kirsty speak of. The list included a number of uncles and aunts, as well as her cousin Nadine, who lived not far away in Lausanne, and whom she had met only recently in Geneva.

When she had finished talking to Kirsty she phoned Clara to say she would be half an hour later than expected, and then she quickly rushed out to get the next train, with only minutes to spare. On the journey, Terza continued to think about her father and Kirsty, the wedding was getting closer and closer now, and she thought about all that had gone between, how things had been when her father had first left her mother, and what affects it had had on her life. She could hardly remember what her thoughts had been at the time.

When Terza arrived at Clara's she knocked at the door and waited. There was no answer and she knocked again. After waiting for a little longer, she fumbled in her purse for her own key and let herself in.

"Clara?" she called. There was no answer. She walked through the living room towards the kitchen, and as she reached the entrance she could see Clara in the garden, to the left through the window, the back door ajar. Clara was talking to Mrs. Pribyl over the fence, a pile of washing in a basket was in the middle of the small lawn, Clara was startled by Terza's appearance at the door.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Clara, turning, "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Food was cooking in the kitchen and the rich aroma wafted out to the patio.

Mrs. Pribyl greeted Terza and said, "Still, I must get on," and disappeared into her own cottage.

"I was just about to hang out the washing, but now I'm all behind with the dinner," said Clara.

"I'll hang the washing, you get on with the dinner," said Terza emphatically, and she went to the washing basket and began hanging the washing.

"Thanks," said Clara, as she hurried to the kitchen, and Terza admired her sister's print pattern cross-stitch burgundy dress (it was just like muslin) underneath her apron, and Terza asked her if she was not expecting Rudi after all. "No," said Clara, "he's away as I said, I just felt like putting on something decent," she called through the kitchen window.
"You put me to shame," said Terza. The early evening sun caught Terza from the waist up as it streamed across Clara's small terraced cottage, her jet-black hair now silky in appearance.

When Terza had finished she rejoined Clara in the kitchen, she was in the process of cooking the vegetables.

"Are you hungry?" said Clara, her face almost a grin.

"Yes, I suppose so, I haven't had time to think about it until now."

"Good," said Clara, "I've got a pork casserole in the oven, I had rather a lot left over."

Terza went to the drawer for the knives and forks and proceeded to lay them on the small table in the living room. Clara's cottage was so small there was hardly room to swing a cat, but despite this it was full of character and very cosy. Low ceilings and exposed cross-beams gave way to a splendid stairwell which led off from the corner of the room and provided an alcove near to where the table was placed, and between that and the window the old fire place which provided such a lovely picture of warmth in the winter. Opposite the archway to the kitchen was a bay-window, and of course, the front door, which opened straight into the room. The other wall was plain and adjoined Mrs. Pribyl's.

Terza admired Clara's surroundings, so different to her own apartment in the city. Even the railway track outside the cottage, which hardly made the thick stone cottage rumble when trains passed by, could easily be got used to. Terza placed mats on the table then sat down for a few moments.

Clara came in, the hot casserole dish held by oven gloves, "Get another mat, quickly," said Clara as she blustered in, to which Terza obliged, "Gosh, that was hot," she said, "I could feel it through the gloves." Clara removed the lid of the dish and a hot puff of steam rose up from it. The smell of spices filled the small room. Clara whisked back to the kitchen and brought the vegetables in. She was just about to sit down....

"Oh, the plates, silly me!" she said, as again she dashed back to the kitchen.

Terza laughed, "I hope you are not as absent-minded with Rudi!" hankered Terza, as she drew up a chair and sat down. Clara demurred. "The way to a man's heart?" continued Terza.

"And his body!" said Clara, in a low sensuous voice.

"Clara!" said Terza.

"Well, it's true!" insisted Clara, "Have you done it yet?" Terza was shocked by her sister's frankness.

"We usually talk about sex later," laughed Terza, as Clara's indelible character, whilst wholly honest, bore no scruples.

"Well, have you?" said Clara, teasing her sister more and more.

"No, of course not," said Terza, "we've only met a few times, you don't just jump into bed."

"Oh, I do," said Clara, "Hey, pass your plate," she said, almost in the same breath. She dished out a generous portion of food, and Terza sat there and watched as Clara finished dishing up her own.

"Oh, I almost forgot, there's some wine in the fridge, do you fancy wine?"

"Yes, that would be nice," said Terza, and Clara was off to the kitchen again. The wine was uncorked as Terza got a couple of glasses from the glass cabinet.

"So," said Clara, "you saw Franti and Milo last night, what is Milo like?"

"Very sweet," said Terza, "he's only nine." Terza's mind drifted back to the fun they had the night before.

"Did he take to you?"

"Yes, I think so, we all got on well together, the idea of going ice-skating was a good one. Franti skates very well. Of course, I made a fool of myself as usual." Terza's face reddened as a cold sweat broke over her forehead, "I slipped up and got a wet backside, right in front of Milo (there was a burst of laughter from Clara at this point), I think he actually liked me more after that. It's funny the way kids think, I'm sure he thought I was more human after that!"

"Didn't Franti come to the rescue?" said Clara, edging in the knight in shining armour routine.

"He was over the other side, he didn't see me fall (thank God!), of course, that's where I got my cold from, I haven't been so bad tonight, but this morning I awoke to fits of sneezes, I thought I was never going to stop. Hey! I meant to tell you, I saw Karel at the police station today - oh, and that's another thing I meant to tell you - the main reason I went there in the first place." Terza did not know where to begin.

Clara stopped her in mid-stream, "So he is there!" said Clara, "We must ring Jana."

"Does Jana not know?" said Terza, a little naïvely. "You should have called me at the office."

"I didn't like to bother you," said Clara, "going back to Jana, no, she does not know, the police are being most unhelpful, they've arrested lots of people." Terza's mind flashed back to what Gabriela had been saying about the cells being full. Of course, it all made sense, these were the arrests following the shooting in the university square!

"I can't do too much until our office is officially notified, but I could have made some enquiries, how silly of me, I've been so busy!" Terza began to see what a fool she had been, her mind had been so preoccupied.

"Oh never mind," said Clara beseechingly, "we'll ring Jana with the good news that he is safe after dinner."

It was silent for a few minutes as the two women got stuck into their food and wine. Terza commented on the nice meal.
"I made it for Rudi the other night, of course, I had tonight in mind as well, it wasn't worth making it just for two people, as I said earlier, the way to a man's heart?"

"And I suppose you made wild, passionate love afterwards?" interspersed Terza.

"I don't know how you can sit there and say you do not want to make love to someone...." Terza interrupted here....

"I didn't say I didn't want to make love, I just said I didn't want to be jumping in and out of bed, anyway, Franti isn't like that."

"All men are like that," said Clara.

"Clara, that isn't true!" insisted Terza.

"Don't be so naïve," said Clara, "look at the way he looks at you, you can tell what a man is thinking."

"Franti's passionate, but in different ways...."

"But there comes a time...." said Clara.

"Yes, of course there does," said Terza, "but the time has got to be right."

"Oh Terza!" cried Clara, becoming indignant with her sister, "You do what you feel."

"Passion is a beautiful thing," said Terza romantically, "it should not be squandered."

"Nor should it be hidden!" said Clara, as she continued to argue. This sounded good coming from her younger sister, but it made Terza think of the way she had been with Franti, she must have known that every movement she made, and every contour of her body was seen as an expression of seductiveness. Yet how difficult it might be to tell the difference between sensuality and seduction? Had she made herself more desirable without realizing it?

"Hidden, why hidden? You only have to think about it," said Terza.

"There is something to be said about the merits of sensuality, I suppose," said Clara, "but how do you master it?"

"We are both different," said Terza, "but there is always a seductive and a sensuous side to everything we do - we always see the opposite sex as something very different...."

"But I think women more often recognize sensuality in other women...." said Clara.

"That may be true, I don't think much about such things, I know how I feel at a given moment," said Terza, as she reflected.

She sipped her wine again and sat back in her chair, her body softly curved in its comfort, and proceeded to tell Clara how she came to see Karel, and what her original purpose was in visiting the police station. Clara couldn't believe it. Terza did not go into too much detail as her work carried a strong element of confidentiality, but after telling Clara the initial facts, Terza expressed her thoughts on how jealousy can destroy a relationship. Clara laughed at this, but she was also serious at the same time.

"How different people view the same thing," said Clara.

"But it's not the same thing is it?" said Terza.

"What, that kind of passion?" said Clara.

"There's a coldness about it, the feeling that the body is being used?"

"But men have always looked at women in the same way."

"They fantasize more than women do, I think," said Terza.

"You're joking," said Clara, continuing on the same line.

"Do you fantasize about Rudi?" said Terza.

"As much as you do about Franti!" said Clara.

Terza tried to argue against thinking the same thing about men. Clara would have none of it, "To be near him, to yearn for him is a fantasy!" stated Clara.

Terza continued her meal after refusing to be drawn on what was fantasy and what was not, and Clara continued drinking her wine. Once they had finished their meal they cleared up and then sat down together.

"We must ring Jana soon," said Clara.

"Let's finish the wine first," said Terza, "there's not much left of that bottle." Terza felt pleasantly relaxed as she stretched in one of Clara's most comfortable chairs, her head back, still admiring Clara's dress. "I do like that dress," said Terza. Clara smiled. "I had a call from Kirsty earlier, that's why I was late, she rang to see if we had received the invitations...."

"Ah, how is Papa?"

"Good news," said Terza, and she explained what Kirsty had said.

"I wish we were closer," said Clara, as her eyes grew distant like the horizon.

"Closer?" said Terza.

"I mean as close as you, you've always stood by him. Me, I couldn't forgive him for a long time, when I was young I mean, you cared about what he did, what he was. I didn't understand it at the time, I resented you, but then I saw what you were trying to do."

"It's a long time ago now," said Terza reflectively.

"When I was young," Clara continued, "I wanted to shut him out of my life for doing what he did to mother."
Terza listened intently, "But he tried to win you back, don't you remember?"

"I wanted him to come back, don't you see, that was more important than anything else?" said Clara, as if pleading.
"Do you remember walking in the mountains, how he held your hand, you loved him then, surely?"

"Yes," said Clara, as she recalled their last holiday in Bavaria with their father, "I wanted to love him so much, I wanted him to come back."

"But that was impossible!" said Terza.

"I see that now," said Clara, "but I did not see it then, now I feel we are so far apart that something irretrievable has been lost." Terza's heart sank as she thought about how Clara felt, she could not imagine what it was like as she related her sister's thoughts to her own feelings about her father. "We spend all our time learning to love again, I think," added Clara.

"We don't appreciate our own actions at the time," said Terza, "I think we all wish things were different, but what can we do to change it, surely very little?"

"You wanted me to love him at that time, how I wished I had listened to you," said Clara, extolling her sister's virtues.
"You were young," said Terza, "you could not be expected to understand, I don't blame you for rejecting him, just as I don't blame you for rejecting me, it was a bad time for all of us."

"I didn't reject you!" said Clara in an exasperated laugh. She took her wine glass, played with it in her hands for a moment, and then drank deeply from it, her cheeks puffing out as she did so.

"But I was sure you felt I was betraying mother?" said Terza.

Clara's countenance changed as painful childhood memories returned.... "I think I felt betrayed," said Clara.

"I did not want to betray Papa," said Terza, after a while, "there was so much I wanted to do, I did not want him to isolate himself from us, it wasn't fair, a choice had to be made."

"Between a Papa and a mother?" said Clara.

"The choice was not as clear cut as that."

"Wasn't it?" said Clara.

"No, it wasn't," affirmed Terza.

Clara readjusted herself in her chair, folding her legs under her and smoothing her pretty dress out. Terza looked at her sister, just as she had done all those years before, affection streaming out of her glazed eyes, the darkness gone from them. "I see Papa perhaps in the same way as you, but not quite as clearly," said Clara, "by the time I was thirteen I felt we had grown quite apart, so that when he moved away it had no emotional effect on me whatever, but mother...."

Terza recalled this time too, it was when her mother finally accepted that Terza's father would never return, until then she had never submitted to the inevitable. Terza was nineteen at the time and studying away from home. In the summer, on her return home, she had tried to patch up their differences. Clara remembered this clearly, because the two of them would go for long walks in the country. It was idyllic in the sense that it allowed the two sisters breathing space to come to terms with their differences of opinion.

It had always been Clara's notion that her father had been driven away by her mother's illness, inadequacy, or whatever one would like to call it. Terza had tried to explain how her father had felt, only not quite in such clear terms as she did now. The truth was that at the time Terza was experiencing love at first hand, and besides expressing these experiences to Clara in all the intricate detail that young women will, it had the effect of modifying Terza's views gradually to those which she now held; that it was more related to passion for a youthful gait somewhat like her own, and that the mother was the victim of a man's eternal quest for youth and beauty, firstly, expressed in Terza herself (which Terza was now at pains to express to Clara), and secondly, in the shape and form of Kirsty.

"I felt sorry for mother too," said Terza assertively, "but by then our lives had changed, Kirsty changed too, we get on fine together, she was the key to Papa's happiness."

"But that came later," said Clara.

"Yes, but it came, you have never been that affectionate...."

"Terza!" squealed Clara....

"You know what I mean, I don't mean it like that....I mean it in the sense that we see our emotional responsibilities as differing in nature, we have our own reasons for wanting to love our Papa or our mother...." said Terza, watching Clara curl up and stretch her hands between her folded legs.

"I have always believed that Papa loved you more...." said Clara.

"And I that mother loved you more!" said Terza, then she added: "But do you really think that is true?"

"How do you mean?" said Clara. Terza finished her wine at this point and placed her empty glass firmly on the table, her long narrow back exuding a sensitivity of her physique that was unquestionably rare and admired by Clara.

"I think Papa has loved you as much as he has me, it's just that I was more accessible. You, because of your youth at the time, were naturally closer to mother."

"A lot of things contributed to the way things were, things that could not be changed I suppose," said Clara.

"There, you see," said Terza, "yet you always blamed me!" Terza smiled at her sister as she languished in front of her in the pretty dress which she admired so much.

"I never blamed you!" insisted Clara.

"Not at first you didn't."

"Not ever!" said Clara.

"It's hard to imagine it now, a few years have passed between, but sometimes it seems like a lifetime, but now a new one is beginning - I mean we are closer now, but it was not always so, was it?" Terza's words were beginning to make sense to Clara.

"But we had no control over our lives...." said Clara.

"Just as we had no control over what Papa did, that's why I wanted to stay so close, this is what you could not understand at the time."

"I suppose I blamed you a bit," admitted Clara finally, "I could not understand why you even spoke to Papa, I was so bitter...."

"And so young," added Terza.

"So what does he see now in Kirsty?" said Clara, "Immortality?" she added.

"Immortality of a kind," said Terza, "but immortality which has both shape and form."

"Is that why they want to marry, do you think?" said Clara.

"It's hard to say," said Terza, "in the first place, I can't see any point in marrying, after all, they've lived together long enough, secondly, it is not in Papa's nature to want to marry, so I think it is Kirsty who seeks the marriage, for security or whatever. It makes me wonder how she has held onto him for so long, you've got to admire her sometimes."
"I wish I knew Kirsty better," said Clara, her eyes now dreamily looking at the floor.

"She's become a lovely person," said Terza, "when we first met she always seemed a little too young to me, I know I was a couple of years younger than her, but she seemed too young for Papa, yet she was infatuated by him, and he by her. It was so different from his love for our mother, which was strained at the best of times. He could not have survived with mother, I can see that now."

Clara was playing with her feet as she looked up to Terza, "Even I realize now that they could not be together, but I did not see that at the time, I feel so sorry for mother, don't you?"

"Mother is happy now, she has her own life to lead - has she told you about the naughty neighbour?" Terza laughed when she said this and Clara laughed too as the women recalled how their mother went on about her neighbour.
"It's all in her imagination, I'm sure," said Clara, "she's such a superstitious thing."

"The neighbour's a lovely looking guy, a widower I think, she could do a lot worse," said Terza.

"That would never be, she's too set in her ways, she prefers her independence now, she's had it for too long," said Clara, who knew her mother better than Terza ever did. Such ponderings were humorous to extremes, and the two women joked and cajoled on the subject for a while.

"We must phone Jana, I think," said Clara, as she moved from her comfortable position and inched her legs out from under her, placing her bare feet on the carpet, "But not before opening another bottle of wine!" Clara's cheeks were as rosy as Terza's, the wine and the chatter had got to them, both complexions were resplendent in their diversity. Terza brushed her drooping hair back behind her ears, and then caught hold of the base of her jumper, shaking it to allow some air in, she was warm in this jumper, or perhaps it was the wine. She got up and stretched, and then disappeared off to the bathroom nearby. Clara uncorked the wine and poured two more glasses before Terza returned. She was combing her hair when she sat down.

"I think your hair is longer than mine isn't it Terza?" Clara was catching hold of her hair as she tilted her head, trying to see the length.

"Yes, I think it is," said Terza, as she swung her head around, Kirsty fashion, and held her hair as she brushed it.
"Yes, it's almost past your shoulders now," said Clara, "look at it!" Terza had not thought much about the length of her hair, and it was not until Clara had drawn attention to it that she said she must get it cut, or at least trimmed, in time for the wedding.

Clara went back out to the kitchen again and disappeared for a few minutes. Terza sat down and stroked her hair. She was thinking of Franti at this time, how she liked to dream! She wondered if Franti was thinking of her at that moment, she wondered what he would be doing, getting ready to go away she supposed. Clara came back in, smiling, and looked at Terza. Terza took a sip from her new wine.

"You know I've lost something, but do you think I can find it?" said Clara, before sitting down in a huff, the material of her dress flying up from her and then coming to rest, a little dishevelled. "Now, Jana, we must phone Jana." Clara looked around the room again and then back at Terza.

"What have you lost?" said Terza.

"Oh, it doesn't matter now," said Clara rather annoyed, "It's nothing."

Terza laughed at her sister, and always wondered why she got so flustered about such small things.

© Robin Wilkey 1997